Saturday, July 18, 2009

The City of Blinding Lights






The more you see the less you know
The less you find out as you go
I knew much more then than I do now

Neon heart dayglo eyes
A city lit by fireflies
They’re advertising in the skies
For people like us

And I miss you when you’re not around
I’m getting ready to leave the ground….

Ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh

Oh you look so beautiful tonight
In the city of blinding lights

Don’t look before you laugh
Look ugly in a photograph
Flash bulbs purple irises
The camera can’t see

I’ve seen you walk unafraid
I’ve seen you in the clothes you made
Can you see the beauty inside of me?
What happened to the beauty I had inside of me?

And I miss you when you’re not around
I’m getting ready to leave the ground

Ooh ooh ooh
Ooh ooh ooh

Oh you look so beautiful tonight
In the city of blinding lights

Time… time
Won’t leave me as I am
But time won’t take the boy out of this man

Oh you look so beautiful tonight
Oh you look so beautiful tonight
Oh you look so beautiful tonight
In the city of blinding lights

The more you know the less you feel
Some pray for others steal
Blessings are not just for the ones who kneel… luckily

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

In Transit (Barcelona and Madrid)

I just got onto the train for Madrid to rendezvous with my mother. Camp Nou is not open today (since its Sunday) so I decided to just go straight to Madrid. The past few days in Barcelona have been extremely enlightening. For one, I learned that transcription initiation is bidirectional (completely contrary to what students have been taught for the past decades). But perhaps most importantly, I was exposed to the vast potential of epigenetics and reprogramming. Chromatin remodeling is going to be the next hottest thing as I observed it to be by far the common motif from this conference. I am again reminded that having the opportunity to go to such “meeting of the mind” gatherings allows me to learn about only the most cutting edge research not yet offered in textbooks.

Man, Im excited. My mom is a great travel companion.

A brief recap of the stay so far…

Went to flea market first day; shady place that offered bargain deals of everything from antiques, to kitchen appliances, to shoes, to SNES games, to playing cards with pornography. Out of necessity, I bought a nail clipper, and out of impulse and peer pressure, I bought a bowler hat.

Additionally, I bought a camera. I was at the electronic store for over an hour, on two separate occasions conflicted over whether I should buy a camera and which camera I should buy. Finally, I just couldn’t bear not taking pictures of what I was seeing. After the digital camera broke over a year ago, I had planned but not followed through on purchasing a new one. I got a Panasonic that has a Leica lens. Super nice. Biel was quick to point out that I’m an annoying photographer.

It has rained here and there over the past few much to my disappointment. I had envisioned sunny skies and sandy beaches, but the city smell and surroundings of the hotel and convention center remind me more of mother island Taiwan.

We checked out the Barcelona Cathedral and Sagrada Familia, and also walked down La Rambla. I could not really recall much from my last stay here, but I recognized the Nike shop where I bought my Barca shorts as well as a Starbucks where I bought a drink. We went to a tapas bar Wednesday night and drank sangria. Tapas dishes included: a lentil and spinach dish, calamari dish, mushroom dish, and chicken kabobs, all of which were quite tasty.

Surprisingly, my Spanish is marginal enough to get by here. Someone also complimented me on how good it was. Perhaps if poetry doesn’t work out, I’ll start the 2A series con Español. I could read menus and translate for people. Languages are so awesome and I hope I can be fluent in Spanish and German. Once at a restaurant, when I couldn’t understand something on the menu that was in English, I looked at the German version and was able to figure out my query!

The group consisted of the 5 members of the lab and each time we went out, it was extremely difficult to make a decision to go somewhere or have somebody take charge and be the leader (or enabler).

For the coming week, I’m thinking about going to France and Amsterdam. Maybe as day trips or one night stays. I wonder if it will be feasible. Although I would be traveling by myself, it would be a great experience to see these places again with the perspective I have now. I am here. I envision myself running into some random groups of travelers and awkwardly tagging along. Hahaha.

Starring out my window, I can see the beautiful morning Catalunian country side which is quite a relieving sight for my eyes sore from posters and power point presentations.

I haven’t touched a white piece of plastic that flies around in almost a week. Doing good so far. The conference has made me really excited about research and I really want to move on from disc and get some sweet publications and make my mark in the stem cell field. But I know it will only be a matter of time when the dark side of the force will draw me back to playing ultimate. I hope not. Espera.

-------

So while I was purchasing my train ticket, my credit card was rejected. I predict that this is probably because I had bought that digital camera a few days ago and my bank probably shat a brick and froze my card. Now, I have no means of paying or withdrawing cash. But what am I going to do? I suppose I can call my bank later on because I had planned on going shopping since I have some money saved up.

I made it to Madrid fine and took about an hour to make it to my mother’s hotel. She was not there so I left my backpack and decided to check out the city. So where to?

---------

I went to Bernebau Stadium, which is where Real Madrid plays. I didn’t go to Camp Nou this morning so I decided to may this Spanish Club a visit. Sweet. I paid for a tour where you could enter the stadium and check out the trophy room and whatnot. Unfortunately the pitch was being changed but the stadium is gorgeous. I took a picture with Kaka, but didn’t have enough money to pay for it. And I took a picture with the champions league trophy. But no money to buy the picture. Fucking cal national. I’m literally stranded because of having no money. And hungry. Bur for now, sleep on the couch at the hotel.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Barcelona, Day 1

Y yo me irÉ...
Juan Ramon Jimenez

Y yo me iré. Y se quedarán los pájaros
cantando;
y se quedará mi huerto, con su verde árbol,
y con su pozo blanco.

Todas la tardes, el cielo será azul y plácido;
y tocarán, como esta tarde están tocando,
las campanas del campanario.

Se morirán aquellos que me amaron;
y el pueblo se hará nuevo cada año;
y en el rincón aquel de mi huerto florido y encalado,
mi espíritu errará, nostálgico…

Y yo me iré; y estaré solo, sin hogar, sin árbol
verde, sin pozo blanco,
sin cielo azul y plácido…
Y se quedarán los pájaros cantando.


And I will leave...

Barcelona is a gorgeous city and its great to be back again.

On Monday, Alan forgot the poster in his gfs car so I had to drive back down to get it. Everything is fine and I make it to LAX time and butterflies to spare. I didn't get a window seat or an aisle seat much to my dismay but on this flight, I would meet someone so awesome.

I got myself situated in 45E with my book and ipod and start up How I met your Mother on the personal entertainment scree in front of me when an Indian woman with a poster stops and checks the seat number. Her poster did not have a tube and would have been crushed in the overhead compartment so I offered her my tube to store the poster in. As she was re-rolling her poster, I see that the poster indeed contains stem cell content and I ask her if shes going to the ISSCR. I introduce myself but her name was Indian and I couldnt remember it. Turns out we're on the same transfer flight on the way to Barcelona. Funny how things work out. Shes published as a first author in Cell. A total up and coming superstar in stem cell research. Topics we discuss range from epigenetics, chromatin remodeling, iPS cells, Kobe, Ariza, Shaq, Artest, and more LAKERS! We end up sharing a taxi from the airport because our hotels are nearby. She charges it to her grant. Free ride!

Got in at 9:15 at night and didnt hit the road until 10:30 or so, but the city sky was so pretty. There was a mountain range in the background and a layer of purple right on top of it with clouds and shit. The weather is going to be nice. Hopefully not too hot. I go

I got dropped off at the hotel i had originally booked and went to the reception desk. I pull out the best spanish i can and ask where my collegues are and the lady responds that they are not here. WTF? Not here? The air conditioning of the original rooms was broken so they had moved to a hotel a few blocks away. Trekked over and sure enough, mr abhold and mr kiang were in the lobby trying to figure out internet.

On my walk to the new hotel, i felt exhilarated to be back. With ipod and travel backpack I roamed the city and wandered. It was already like 11 at night and I was not scared at all. I saw stray cats and dogs. Maybe its the smell. Barcelona is right by the Mediterranean and it has port smell...

And Camp Nou is right there...

Things always work out somehow, no matter how screwed you are. Pieces fall apart but new ones fit together.

Slighty out of focus

This is a very poor day for doing any work that requires disciplined thinking and precision. The world looks like an impressionist painting today, slightly out of focus and emphasizing large patterns of color and shadow. Work with numbers of strict logic will be especially affected. If you do this kind of work today, check it over for errors in a couple of days. Almost certainly there will be some mistakes. Communications today will be especially difficult. Even when you and another person are trying to be very clear, you may have misunderstandings. This is a poor influence for any important discussions about business or personal matters. Even if you are sure that you are speaking clearly and honestly, make sure that others are treating you the same way.


I love this one. Somebody has second day stupids...

Saturday, July 4, 2009

7/3/09

Valid during many months: At this time your thinking has settled into stable patterns, and not very much is changing in your mind. But you have discipline and concentration, which enable you to get a great deal of work done. You have a clear idea of what you want to achieve intellectually, and you are willing to work for it. This is an excellent time for any long-range planning that requires great attention to details. It is not so good for the kind of planning that requires you to see the larger scope all at once and handle it as a single system. This influence favors any kind of work involving organization and restructuring. It is excellent for most business transactions, especially those requiring carefully thought-out plans for development. It is not so good for risky or speculative investments, because your level of intuition is lower than normal. It is also a good time for serious study and difficult mental work.

Your views about the world have reached a point of stability, so you act from a consistent position. You believe that you understand what the world is about and you operate on that basis. Obviously this can create some problems. If your mental patterns become too fixed, you close out viewpoints and opinions that will help you grow. Narrow- mindedness is a danger with this influence. You can either organize your knowledge into its most useful form, or you can cut yourself off from knowledge through intellectual rigidity.

This influence sharpens your critical faculties. Your standards are very exacting, and you are likely to judge everything by them. Consequently you are very quick to see exactly what is wrong in any situation. But here again there is the danger that critical thinking may become an excuse for nit-picking and narrow-mindedness. You can too easily learn to see the flaws in everything before you see the strengths, which makes your world seem a great deal more imperfect than it is.

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

national poetry month

So with the termination of a dream of becoming a German literature semi-scholar, i will probably pursue poetry again. Here something cool from this years poetry month from April.

The Hug
by Thom Gunn

It was your birthday, we had drunk and dined
Half of the night with our old friend
Who's showed us in the end
To a bed I reached in one drunk stride.
Already, I lay snug,
And drowsy with the wine dozed on one side.

I dozed, I slept. My sleep broke on a hug,
Suddenly, from behind,
In which the full lengths of our bodies pressed:
Your instep to my heel,
My shoulder-blades against your chest.
It was not sex, but I could feel
The whole strength of your body set,
Or braced, to mine,
And locking me to you
As if we were still twenty-two
When our grand passion had not yet
Become familial.
My quick sleep had deleted all
Of intervening time and place.
I only knew
The stay of your secure firm dry embrace.

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Wislawa Szymborska

Nothing can ever happen twice.
In consequence, the sorry fact is
that we arrive here improvised
and leave without the chance to practice.

Even if there is no one dumber,
if you're the planet's biggest dunce,
you can't repeat the class in summer:
this course is only offered once.

No day copies yesterday,
no two nights will teach what bliss is
in precisely the same way,
with precisely the same kisses.

One day, perhaps some idle tongue
mentions your name by accident:
I feel as if a rose were flung
into the room, all hue and scent.

The next day, though you're here with me,
I can't help looking at the clock:
A rose? A rose? What could that be?
Is it a flower or a rock?

Why do we treat the fleeting day
with so much needless fear and sorrow?
It's in its nature not to say
Today is always gone tomorrow


With smiles and kisses, we prefer
to seek accord beneath our star,
although we're different (we concur)
just as two drops of water are.

Friday, June 26, 2009

Catch-22

Soul to Squeeze

I've got a bad disease
But from my brain is where I bleed.
Insanity it seems
Has got me by my soul to squeeze.

Well all the love from thee
With all the dying trees I scream.
The angels in my dreams (yeah)
Have turned to demons of greed that's mean.

Where I go I just don't know
I got to got to gotta take it slow.
When I find my piece of mind
I'm gonna give you some of my good time.

Today love smiled on me.
It took away my face say please
All that you had to free
You gotta let it be oh yeah.

Where I go I just don't know
I got to got to gotta take it slow.
When I find my piece of mind
I'm gonna give you some of my good time.

Oh, so polite indeed
Well I got everything I need.
Oh make my days a breeze
And take away my self destruction.

It's bitter baby,
And it's very sweet.
I'm on a rollercoaster,
but I'm on my feet.
Take me to the river,
Let me on your shore.
I'll be coming back baby,
I'll be coming back for more.

Doo doo doo doo dingle zing a dong bone
Ba-di ba-da ba-zumba crunga cong gone bad

I could not forget
But I will not endeavor
Simple pleasures aren't as special
But I wont regret it never.

Where I go I just don't know
I got to got to gotta take it slow.
When I find my piece of mind
I'm gonna give you some of my good time.

Where I go I just don't know
I might end up somewhere in Mexico.
When I find my piece of mind
I'm gonna keep you for the end of time.

Friday, May 15, 2009

'twas the night before sungod

Insomnia strikes again. I can't decide if i cant sleep because of sungod, or rather because of nationals as it inches closer and closer. Game 1 vs stanford. Bright and early next friday. I can already picture chasing a scardato cutting deep for a tom james huck. I can hear will chen calling his lines. I can see Colin marking up on me. I am so restless.

School has been very busy and I am considering tapering the degree of craziness tomorrow. In truth, I just have so much I have to do. I just finished a report I have to turn in for a research scholarship I received last summer. I should be learning my vocabulary for my german class I have this morning. Yet, I find myself nostalgic of how sungod used to be like and what I used to do each year. Freshmen year, I awoke at 8:00 to a Gred and a Zaius heckling in the common room of my dormitory. They made me shotgun and got me high in the stairwell of Argo. I still made it to 9:00 Humanities. I remember a great sober concert with cypress hill smoking on stage. Sophomore year, I spent the entire night constructing the Kiss Kiss Beng Beng junkyard car, woke up and got drunk/high at 7, went to 8:00 ochem, raced the vehicle down peterson hill, passed out, woke up, drank more, went to class with someone, passed out, woke up, and drank more, got high, and found myself the next morning with 19 black tally marks on my arm (which was less than the person I was trying to match drink for drink). Third year consisted of laying out for frisbees at the slip and slide establishment at Sungod lawn, a bottle of port, smoking at the rooftop of Mandler hall, and a close 911 emergency call.

Pool D: Virginia (4), Stanford (5), Michigan (9), California-San Diego(16) and Minnesota (20)

Vs. Stanford.
We met at Sean Ryan back during Fall quarter and I remember actually playing quite well against them. Our squad was Biel-less and consisted of numerous fish whom I haven't seen since the start of the season. That game, I recall a Dibsy playing the entire game. Personally, I got burned by Steve twice when I guarded him, including one where I managed to catch up, only to be skied in the endzone. I remember helping Cork get a D with sweet upline defense. I also caused Colin to twist his ankle when i was trying to squirrel open in the backfield. We had kept up with Stanford and had a 2 break lead, 1 point away from half and I remember them sacking up, getting their breaks back, and eventually taking half. They never trailed the rest of the game. Strangely, I also remember a drunk Dollar passed out on the sideline. Also of note, Roget was on the sidelines, with his emo moptop hair. I think the final score was 11-13 or something along those lines. After the game/tournament, I remember I was extremely impressed by the work ethic and discipline of Bloodthirsty and realizing how badly our team needed that. Enter Kevin Stuart.

Vs. Minnesota
Got owned by these guys 15-3 at centex. First game I show up for at Centex. See previous post about getting kicked off flight. Pumba breaks his nose. We suck and turn it over near our goal a few times. We also tried to force things in Zone O. Down 8-2 at the half. Stuarts pissed. We matched up well with this team but we just couldn't throw in the wind. This game was the worst loss of the season, until we lost to mama during the regional finals. And why? Wind. Wind. Wind.

Vs. Michigan.
Will Neff for Callahan? That guys a beast. I've played against Michigan at 2008 Centex. Don't remember much other than a bunch of white dudes with mustaches and Mohawks. I remember turning it over on a huck to Hutch. We lose 15-9 or something like that.

Vs. Virginia.
So...they won the AC region...leaving brodie and the gators at home. harhar.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

from lola rennt

LITTLE GIDDING
(No. 4 of 'Four Quartets')

T.S. Eliot



I

Midwinter spring is its own season
Sempiternal though sodden towards sundown,
Suspended in time, between pole and tropic.
When the short day is brightest, with frost and fire,
The brief sun flames the ice, on pond and ditches,
In windless cold that is the heart's heat,
Reflecting in a watery mirror
A glare that is blindness in the early afternoon.
And glow more intense than blaze of branch, or brazier,
Stirs the dumb spirit: no wind, but pentecostal fire
In the dark time of the year. Between melting and freezing
The soul's sap quivers. There is no earth smell
Or smell of living thing. This is the spring time
But not in time's covenant. Now the hedgerow
Is blanched for an hour with transitory blossom
Of snow, a bloom more sudden
Than that of summer, neither budding nor fading,
Not in the scheme of generation.
Where is the summer, the unimaginable
Zero summer?

If you came this way,
Taking the route you would be likely to take
From the place you would be likely to come from,
If you came this way in may time, you would find the hedges
White again, in May, with voluptuary sweetness.
It would be the same at the end of the journey,
If you came at night like a broken king,
If you came by day not knowing what you came for,
It would be the same, when you leave the rough road
And turn behind the pig-sty to the dull facade
And the tombstone. And what you thought you came for
Is only a shell, a husk of meaning
From which the purpose breaks only when it is fulfilled
If at all. Either you had no purpose
Or the purpose is beyond the end you figured
And is altered in fulfilment. There are other places
Which also are the world's end, some at the sea jaws,
Or over a dark lake, in a desert or a city—
But this is the nearest, in place and time,
Now and in England.

If you came this way,
Taking any route, starting from anywhere,
At any time or at any season,
It would always be the same: you would have to put off
Sense and notion. You are not here to verify,
Instruct yourself, or inform curiosity
Or carry report. You are here to kneel
Where prayer has been valid. And prayer is more
Than an order of words, the conscious occupation
Of the praying mind, or the sound of the voice praying.
And what the dead had no speech for, when living,
They can tell you, being dead: the communication
Of the dead is tongued with fire beyond the language of the living.
Here, the intersection of the timeless moment
Is England and nowhere. Never and always.



II

Ash on and old man's sleeve
Is all the ash the burnt roses leave.
Dust in the air suspended
Marks the place where a story ended.
Dust inbreathed was a house—
The walls, the wainscot and the mouse,
The death of hope and despair,
This is the death of air.

There are flood and drouth
Over the eyes and in the mouth,
Dead water and dead sand
Contending for the upper hand.
The parched eviscerate soil
Gapes at the vanity of toil,
Laughs without mirth.
This is the death of earth.

Water and fire succeed
The town, the pasture and the weed.
Water and fire deride
The sacrifice that we denied.
Water and fire shall rot
The marred foundations we forgot,
Of sanctuary and choir.
This is the death of water and fire.

In the uncertain hour before the morning
Near the ending of interminable night
At the recurrent end of the unending
After the dark dove with the flickering tongue
Had passed below the horizon of his homing
While the dead leaves still rattled on like tin
Over the asphalt where no other sound was
Between three districts whence the smoke arose
I met one walking, loitering and hurried
As if blown towards me like the metal leaves
Before the urban dawn wind unresisting.
And as I fixed upon the down-turned face
That pointed scrutiny with which we challenge
The first-met stranger in the waning dusk
I caught the sudden look of some dead master
Whom I had known, forgotten, half recalled
Both one and many; in the brown baked features
The eyes of a familiar compound ghost
Both intimate and unidentifiable.
So I assumed a double part, and cried
And heard another's voice cry: 'What! are you here?'
Although we were not. I was still the same,
Knowing myself yet being someone other—
And he a face still forming; yet the words sufficed
To compel the recognition they preceded.
And so, compliant to the common wind,
Too strange to each other for misunderstanding,
In concord at this intersection time
Of meeting nowhere, no before and after,
We trod the pavement in a dead patrol.
I said: 'The wonder that I feel is easy,
Yet ease is cause of wonder. Therefore speak:
I may not comprehend, may not remember.'
And he: 'I am not eager to rehearse
My thoughts and theory which you have forgotten.
These things have served their purpose: let them be.
So with your own, and pray they be forgiven
By others, as I pray you to forgive
Both bad and good. Last season's fruit is eaten
And the fullfed beast shall kick the empty pail.
For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
But, as the passage now presents no hindrance
To the spirit unappeased and peregrine
Between two worlds become much like each other,
So I find words I never thought to speak
In streets I never thought I should revisit
When I left my body on a distant shore.
Since our concern was speech, and speech impelled us
To purify the dialect of the tribe
And urge the mind to aftersight and foresight,
Let me disclose the gifts reserved for age
To set a crown upon your lifetime's effort.
First, the cold friction of expiring sense
Without enchantment, offering no promise
But bitter tastelessness of shadow fruit
As body and soul begin to fall asunder.
Second, the conscious impotence of rage
At human folly, and the laceration
Of laughter at what ceases to amuse.
And last, the rending pain of re-enactment
Of all that you have done, and been; the shame
Of motives late revealed, and the awareness
Of things ill done and done to others' harm
Which once you took for exercise of virtue.
Then fools' approval stings, and honour stains.
From wrong to wrong the exasperated spirit
Proceeds, unless restored by that refining fire
Where you must move in measure, like a dancer.'
The day was breaking. In the disfigured street
He left me, with a kind of valediction,
And faded on the blowing of the horn.



III

There are three conditions which often look alike
Yet differ completely, flourish in the same hedgerow:
Attachment to self and to things and to persons, detachment
From self and from things and from persons; and, growing between them, indifference
Which resembles the others as death resembles life,
Being between two lives—unflowering, between
The live and the dead nettle. This is the use of memory:
For liberation—not less of love but expanding
Of love beyond desire, and so liberation
From the future as well as the past. Thus, love of a country
Begins as attachment to our own field of action
And comes to find that action of little importance
Though never indifferent. History may be servitude,
History may be freedom. See, now they vanish,
The faces and places, with the self which, as it could, loved them,
To become renewed, transfigured, in another pattern.

Sin is Behovely, but
All shall be well, and
All manner of thing shall be well.
If I think, again, of this place,
And of people, not wholly commendable,
Of no immediate kin or kindness,
But of some peculiar genius,
All touched by a common genius,
United in the strife which divided them;
If I think of a king at nightfall,
Of three men, and more, on the scaffold
And a few who died forgotten
In other places, here and abroad,
And of one who died blind and quiet
Why should we celebrate
These dead men more than the dying?
It is not to ring the bell backward
Nor is it an incantation
To summon the spectre of a Rose.
We cannot revive old factions
We cannot restore old policies
Or follow an antique drum.
These men, and those who opposed them
And those whom they opposed
Accept the constitution of silence
And are folded in a single party.
Whatever we inherit from the fortunate
We have taken from the defeated
What they had to leave us—a symbol:
A symbol perfected in death.
And all shall be well and
All manner of thing shall be well
By the purification of the motive
In the ground of our beseeching.



IV

The dove descending breaks the air
With flame of incandescent terror
Of which the tongues declare
The one discharge from sin and error.
The only hope, or else despair
Lies in the choice of pyre of pyre—
To be redeemed from fire by fire.

Who then devised the torment? Love.
Love is the unfamiliar Name
Behind the hands that wove
The intolerable shirt of flame
Which human power cannot remove.
We only live, only suspire
Consumed by either fire or fire.



V

What we call the beginning is often the end
And to make and end is to make a beginning.
The end is where we start from. And every phrase
And sentence that is right (where every word is at home,
Taking its place to support the others,
The word neither diffident nor ostentatious,
An easy commerce of the old and the new,
The common word exact without vulgarity,
The formal word precise but not pedantic,
The complete consort dancing together)
Every phrase and every sentence is an end and a beginning,
Every poem an epitaph. And any action
Is a step to the block, to the fire, down the sea's throat
Or to an illegible stone: and that is where we start.
We die with the dying:
See, they depart, and we go with them.
We are born with the dead:
See, they return, and bring us with them.
The moment of the rose and the moment of the yew-tree
Are of equal duration. A people without history
Is not redeemed from time, for history is a pattern
Of timeless moments. So, while the light fails
On a winter's afternoon, in a secluded chapel
History is now and England.

With the drawing of this Love and the voice of this
Calling

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.
Through the unknown, unremembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree
Not known, because not looked for
But heard, half-heard, in the stillness
Between two waves of the sea.
Quick now, here, now, always—
A condition of complete simplicity
(Costing not less than everything)
And all shall be well and
All manner of thing shall be well
When the tongues of flame are in-folded
Into the crowned knot of fire
And the fire and the rose are one.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Cancer comic!



Please don't get cancer before I do!

Oh the holiday season is already over. =/ I already miss the feeling so much.

In german class this quarter, prejudice has been a common theme. Africans and immigrants from Turkey in particular, and what prejudices germans have against them. As you understand more and more characters, prejudices are erased and part of my deal is that I don't read enough, or watch enough TV/movies where I am exposed to characters. Whether they be real or not, they still leave that imprint in your head. You identify yourself, but i think there will always be comparing. That's my problem, where I can't help but compare and wish to be better off than others. There was a nice little spiel on a yearbook about that and it was elegantly written by some high school year book editors. Its the identifying part that's hard. I can't really identify myself, and I'm still searching.

Bliss, by Muse

everything about you is how i wanna be
your freedom comes naturally
everything about you resonates happiness
now i won't settle for less

give me all the peace and joy in your mind

everything you pains my envying
your soul can't hate anything
everything about you is so easy to love
they're watching you from above

give me all the peace and joy in your mind
i want the peace and joy in your mind
give me the peace and joy in your mind

everything about you resonates happiness
now i won't settle for less

give me all the peace and joy in your mind
i want the peace and joy in your mind
give me the peace and joy in your mind


Game 2 was sketch. Jazz are playing very physical and I fear that a crucial Laker may get injured. Too bad Turkish Delight is sitting with an hurt hamstring. And sorry Farmar, but Shannon Brown is way better than you, but I still like you too. I like how we start out amazingly shooting 80% or so, build a huge lead, then suck for the third quarter, and then finally squeeze it out in the forth. Prediction, Jazz send the game to overtime on a D-will 3 pointer but unfortunately Kobe shits on Ronnie Brewer in OT. Oh yea, and whats the deal about Bynum hitting up Rihanna?



ich mag großen Hahn is german for i like big cock.

Monday, April 13, 2009

uh oh.

I left geisel and then locked myself out of the car, with my phone and keys inside the trunk. FML. Goddammit, how useless I am w/o a phone. Librarian doesnt let me borrow their phone and the pay phones outside arent working. And jeez, its so hard to find pay phones! Fuck. Stalling 7...8...9...

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Floating in Geisel and succeeding at not writing my german essay due in 9 hours.

The National - Green Gloves

Falling out of touch with all my
friends are somewhere getting wasted,
hope they’re staying glued together,
I have arms for them.

Take another sip of them,
it floats around and takes me over
like a little drop of ink in a glass of water

Get inside their clothes
with my green gloves
watch their videos, in their chairs.
Get inside their beds
with my green gloves
Get inside their heads, love their loves.

Cinderella through the room
I glide and swan cause I’m the best slow dancer
in the universe

Falling out of touch with all my
friends are somewhere getting wasted,
hope they’re staying glued together,
I have arms for them.


Get inside their clothes
with my green gloves
watch their videos, in their chairs.
Get inside their beds
with my green gloves
Get inside their heads, love their loves.

Now I hardly know them
and I’ll take my time
I’ll carry them over, and I’ll make them mine.

Get inside their clothes
with my green gloves
watch their videos, in their chairs.
Get inside their beds
with my green gloves
Get inside their heads, love their loves.

---
Post binge. Actually just a refusal to work. Mmm great song by the national. My car radio got fixed and I listened to the radio for the first time and heard Evanescence's My Immortal. God that songs legendary old school. I used listen to that band a lot back in gymnasium. Freaky shit dude.

Just got scooped last Friday by some "real" scientists from maryland. Very disappointing. :*( I'm a very passive person and my boss emailed me saying, "Being passive is a clear sign of a second rate mind." AH, fail!

On a lighter note, ice won sectionals this past weekend. Frisbee...the bane of my existence. Regionals in two weekends. Goddamit, I got stalled during the fish point after being left out to dry on the low side on our goal line. On Saturday, good confident coppa was on the field, running dominator and tearing shit up. I only had 2 turns while touching the disc a lot for the doffense (one was the damn stall where hyzer ditched me and left me without my gravy). On Sunday, scared, "save me nero!", "get a D and turn it over right away!", "'wheres your head? are you ok?'asks stuart" Coppa was present. I turned 50% of the touches i got, which was sadly like 5 out of only like 10 touches. My defense was fine, but goddamn offense was terrible. What a difference confidence and distractions can make!

Softwoods, by Jody Gladding

Softwoods

We utter nothing
true high
among the needled
fictions we create
so many opportunities
for truth
as it happens
continually
not only up here

but also under growth
where we sink
down in bogs
filled
with resolve
nothing we utter
is true
still
we groan
gape
and push a new
thing out.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Spring break!

We arrived at the airport and as we were checking in, Didj points out that its 4:20. Perfect, we at the brownies in the middle of the check-in. We waited at the gate and compared our seats. Then i got involuntarily bumped off the flight because it was overbooked. There were three people bumped off and one of them was this girl that was in my orientation group from before freshmen year. There was this other lady who was on orders for the army or something. Anyways, based on our check-in time, the army chick was first, I got second, and the girl from orientation. Fail.

Monstro called me and offered his seat. But i couldn't take the offer.

Here was the problem: This weekend was SXSW in Austin and all flights going to Austin were overbooked. I managed to get standby for tomorrow at 6:00am. This flight would go to San Antonio, and then I'd have to get my ass to Austin.

I wonder what Monstro and the fish were doing right now. Dammit. Should have

Now I feel that maybe I should go into lab. Goddammit. And this entire time, I'm super baked off brownies.

I called Duffy, thinking that since he did the brownie thing last year, he'd understand the best. Make it happen. That was the last thing he said.

I hope I can make it to Austin to play some frisbee. Tickets cost more than a thousand dollars. But what do I do if I don't make it to Centex! Noooo Spring Break FML!

Ah goddamit I wanna play frizbay.

Todays Horoscope:
Advancing that notion
This is an excellent time for taking some action that depends on impressing someone with your ability and confidence. For example, it is a good time to ask for a raise, because you communicate positively and with confidence, which others will respect. Even if you don't choose to assert yourself, you will defend yourself and your views to anyone who criticizes you or tries to tear you down. The plans you make today will be much bolder and more innovative than usual. You are able to dare more and to take greater chances, not only with your words but also with your thoughts. Use this time to advance a notion that you have previously been shy about. In any kind of negotiations you will get right to the heart of the matter and settle it very quickly.

Friday, February 27, 2009

Fibrillation

Realistic idealism ***
Valid during many months: This influence awakens your interest in unusual, out-of-the ordinary states of being and consciousness. You suddenly become aware that life has a deeper dimension than you have previously known, and you want to learn everything you can about it.

People react to these energies in various ways. If you are very much rooted in the material universe, regarding nothing as real unless you can touch it, you will become much more concerned about abstractions, principles that previously seemed too disconnected from the material world to be important. You may be surprised to discover that you actually do have ideals that you are willing to stand up for, even though you have always considered yourself a hard-headed pragmatist.

If you are among those who are less interested in purely material concerns, you will find your interests becoming even more spiritual. This influence can awaken an interest in the occult or in mysticism, and it is one of the times during which people begin studying astrology and related subjects. Any technique that helps open up a new aspect of the universe will attract you at this time.

A related but somewhat different manifestation is that you may become involved in movements of social reform. You see that the world does not work as it should, and you want to work very hard to improve the lot of people who are less fortunate. While your views at this time are inclined to be idealistic, your idealism is not totally removed from reality. You can work with a situation as it really is in order to bring about the changes you want. Your activities along these lines could range from the relatively conservative approach of working with the poor, ill or disadvantaged in hospitals or other such institutions, to working with groups that have much more revolutionary aims.




All i have to say is...yikes.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

The Bear-necessities

This is kinda funny.

Click

I'd imagine it'd have have a FML line. Maybe something like: I was having sex and roared for an hour as I finished. The confused preschoolers who were on a field trip started crying. FML. Some kid will never, ever watch Jungle Book ever again.



Also, we scrimmage SDU tonight. It is on. Goal to focus on is to BREAK the MARK.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Academic Earth

This website is amazing.

http://academicearth.org/

Sunday, February 22, 2009

(re)cycles

I drove back from Irvine earlier and pondered over randomness, in vile attempts to avoid dozing off at the steering wheel. San Diego warmly welcomes back the burgundy beast of a Camry.

The weekend was good, as it is always nice to leave the battle sites of La Jolla and see what's occuring in other news.

Anyways, the thought came up during the drive was the concept of cycles, and how everything can be a cycle. Almost too simple. Frisbee is a cycle, a back and forth game of offense and defense; same with basketball, and all sports to that matter. Even movies that are being made are repeats of old movies. The oscars are today. I hope dark knight wins a shit load of awards.

Music is a cycle, songs. And not just the songs themselves, but what you listen to and also whenever you listen to something new or something from the past. Life. The circle of life. Recycle, reuse, reduce. Trash it. Get a new one. Or even more cliche: wash, rinse, repeat. When something breaks, repair or get a new one. Man, this post is sounding more and more like a uber-tacky-being-high post. But whatever, the title of the blog speaks for itself.

My life is currently measured in terms of quarters, frisbee seasons, and science experiments. Once I graduate, what will i measure my life in? Whatever the process I undergo i guess...

"For I have known them all already, known them all:—
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
So how should I presume?"

So...how should I presume? Vorsicht bitte.

But then what keeps us on our feet? If everything is a cycle, how do the periods change? How do you break the cycle? Maybe you cant, and you just have to alter the formula of your sinusoid. After awhile, if you keep doing the same thing, you're a broken record...which can be good if the cycle is getting all A's or watever. But is that why we strive for perfection? I'd suppose that even once thats achieved, one would become bored. What'd be next?

So perhaps thats when its time to try new things? For me, the hardest thing to do is to make a choice, after tons and tons of thinking and overthinking. Change something so your period is different? Maybe increase your amplitude? Maybe if you're resonating with something, change your style so you no longer resonating. Likewise, the opposite applies. Flexibility.

We cycle with everyone else in this great machine of a world. Hopefully mr. obama isn't fucking shit up. Just fund the lab and the Chinese and I'll try my damnest to obey the law.

I played Frisbee today (not much of a surprise) and was very erratic. No drops, but poor decisions. Terribad.

And to finish, heres a poem auf Deutsch:

Der Lorelei (Heinrich Heine, 1822)

Ich weiß nicht, was soll es bedeuten,
Daß ich so traurig bin,
Ein Märchen aus uralten Zeiten,
Das kommt mir nicht aus dem Sinn.
Die Luft ist kühl und es dunkelt,
Und ruhig fließt der Rhein;
Der Gipfel des Berges funkelt,
Im Abendsonnenschein.

Die schönste Jungfrau sitzet
Dort oben wunderbar,
Ihr gold'nes Geschmeide blitzet,
Sie kämmt ihr goldenes Haar,
Sie kämmt es mit goldenem Kamme,
Und singt ein Lied dabei;
Das hat eine wundersame,
Gewalt'ge Melodei.

Den Schiffer im kleinen Schiffe,
Ergreift es mit wildem Weh;
Er schaut nicht die Felsenriffe,
Er schaut nur hinauf in die Höh'.
Ich glaube, die Wellen verschlingen
Am Ende Schiffer und Kahn,
Und das hat mit ihrem Singen,
Die Loreley getan.

beautiful. ive been in the rhein but never have i heard of the lorelei.

Also, I began my meditation training on Saturday with my mother. Apparently people who've been meditating for a long time (so like "master" status) have been shown to float off the ground. The closest rendition I have is smoking pot. I guess i'll have to see for myself. Hopefully meditation will help me focus better and become stress relieved. I've already envisioned myself meditating on the sideline before games. Its going to be awesome. Step 1) Sit indian style with hands in lap. step 2) Breathe in and out. Step 3) Count to 10. Step 4) Breathe in and out. Step 5) Count to 10 again. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Handling thoughts.

The main job of the handler should be to break the mark. I'd never heard that until fagin said it. I don't break the mark enough. And our team is terrible at marking. Wait...handlers that don't break the mark...on a team thats terrible at marking?! That adds to...uh oh.

Our team needs to be able to swing the disc and be more confident in breaking the mark. Continue to attempt to break, even if you just got hand blocked, provided that its a good decision and attempt.

I like how our game stats are categorized as goals, assists, execution errors or TOs, decision errors (more TOs), and Ds. Life is one big fantasy game. Fantasy...life!

I'm going to go home, and use the time to meditate and go easy on myself. I need to refocus myself for the final stretch. I got conferences and tournaments looming ahead. This meditation would help from distractions and mindless time wasting. To take control. Today, I'm going to wake up early, and go home and tell dad about the meditation stuff and keeping from temptation. Ask my mom about meditation. I also need to get a hair cut, study with elaine, chill with David, and most of all, stay sober and undistracted. I got to get better at the instrumentation class and this homework better be perfect. Gotta stop getting owned in that class. Agh!

And then some stuff for the conference. Read up on EGFR and see what data you can pull from the jump drive. Email the abstract to Biel.

Bring the computer.

Those are the tasks for the weekend. Beng hwk, so you are done by monday night, and working on the Abstract. We will most likely be doing qPCRs on monday, tuesday night.

ugh blazed too much, i have asthma right now. get the blueberry juice.


todays horoscope!

The loftier side
Weak, transient effect: This is usually a very positive influence, making you feel very benevolent and generous toward those around you. This morning your spirit is inclined toward contemplation of the loftier aspects of life. You are not concerned with the nasty little details that make life less than it should be, although you are aware of them. But you simply cannot see any point in paying any attention to them. Emotionally you feel quite good, for this influence promotes optimism and positive thinking. At times this influence indicates self- righteousness and smug arrogance, as if you considered yourself as the embodiment of social truth and wisdom. This attitude may not be entirely conscious on your part, but it may be subtly evident in your phrasing or in an unspoken attitude toward others.


insightful.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Speculation: Along the Way

by Scott Cairns


The roaring alongside he takes for granted.

—"Sandpiper" by Elizabeth Bishop


And when, of a given evening, say, an evening laced
with storm clouds skirting distance parsed by slanting light,

or when the thick air of an August afternoon by the late approach
of just such a storm turns suddenly thin and cool, and the familiar

roaring, for the moment made especially unmistakable
by distant thunder, may seem oddly to be answered from within

—that's how it feels, anyway—and when, of a moment, such roaring
couples as well with sudden calm—interior, exterior, it hardly matters—

in that fortunate incursion whereby the roar itself is suddenly interred,
you might startle to having had a taste of what will pass as prayer,

or a taste, at the very least, of how fraught, how laden the visible is,
even as you find a likely figure for its uncanny agency. Sure,

I'm making this up as I go, hoping—even as I go—to be finally
getting somewhere. And maybe I am. Maybe I'm taking you along.

Let's say it's so, and say we now commence.

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Lessons Learned

Tape holds things that cannot stick
and keep leftovers in the fridge
while lessons learned go down the drain
I can't believe in everything
all the bad names gone
and the good ones were all wrong
and so I stayed up all night
slept in all day
this is my sound
thinking about tomorrow won't change how I feel today

Never let your mark erase
'cause broken legs can be replaced
two steps to the finish line
three sips till I finish mine
a straw will always suck it out
close your eyes and use your mouth
and tell me about your song

And so I stayed up night
slept in all day
this is my sound
thinking about tomorrow won't change how I feel today



-matt and kim

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Along

By Rae Armantrout


A scatter
of cold cases

makes two
separate strings.

Rival news hours
mime discovery.

*

For so long
we've been practicing—

unwrapping
our surprise.

*

In heaven
the soul is sheltered

from the expanse
of time.

It contracts
to a point
of light

or spreads out
"all along"
like a wave.

*

The real is what
can't escape

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Matt and Kim are coming!

Daylight

We cut the legs off of our pants
Threw our shoes into the ocean
Sit back and wave through the daylight
Sit back and wave through the daylight

Slip and slide on subway grates
These shoes are poor mans ice skates
Fall through like change in the daylight
Fall through like change in the daylight

I miss yellow lines in my roads
Some color on monochrome
Maybe I’ll paint them in myself
Maybe I’ll paint them in myself

These sidewalks liquid then stone
Building walls and an old pay phone
It rings like all through the daylight
It rings like all through the daylight

And in the daylight we can hitchhike to Maine
I hope that someday I’ll see without these frames
And in the daylight I don't pick up my phone
Cause in the daylight anywhere feels like home

I have five clocks in my life
And only one has the time right
I’ll just unplug it for today
I’ll just unplug it for today

Open hydrant rolled down windows
This car might make a good old boat
And float down grand street in daylight
And float down grand street in daylight

And with just half of a sunburn
New yellow lines that I earned
Step back and here comes the night time
Step back and here comes the night time

And in the daylight we can hitchhike to Maine
I hope that someday I’ll see without these frames
And in the daylight I don't pick up my phone
Cause in the daylight anywhere feels like home


-these guys are so awesome. they make me happy. kim's smile starts fires within me.

-pres day is coming. I'll be ready. I really really really need to have more discipline to dump the disc. SB invite was so exciting und ich habe sehr viel gelernt. Also, need to throw to the outside shoulder and stop throwing high turnover risk (high injury risk also) throws. No forcing throws through small windows (although i will because i love it). No turns. Everyones happy. And monstro will be too.

Monday, January 12, 2009