Oh bother.

I have to do this. My mind needs an outlet.

So time stopped on me last Thursday when I left class at 2:55 and saw Angela. Since then, the aspect of time has arisen numerous times. Perhaps heightened since I’m reviewing humanities material. I was hit hard this weekend.

I’ve had my Tissot PR50 for almost two years now. Every day, on my left wrist it has been my constant. This is the second one I own. I lost the first one (same watch)in high school after owning it for less than a month.

I went out to eat with Angela last night at Double Happiness down in Del Mar. Our fortune cookies were interesting. She got “Your Judgment is a little off at this time” and I got “Confucius say: If you have hope, you have everything.” And since there was a one in two chance of getting either fortune, I decided to heed both of them. Maybe the fortunes were for the both of us.

Judgment is never perfect. I remember a quote from a Bourne movie where the Blackbriar guy tells Pamela Landy that, “You and I both know decisions made in real time are never perfect.” You hope that your judgment is right. I hope mine is. And at this particular moment, my judgment is definitely off. I have two finals tomorrow and instead, I’m writing this entry. But I know I won’t let this go until I have finished writing. I trust my judgment…hopefully its right.

Last night while I was at home, Guilder said that he did not care about history and that it was useless. I was appalled. There was no way this would go down lightly. I had just been re-reading some ideas from humanities and I was riding the high. Marx, Kafka, Freud, Eliot, Woolf, Sartre, Genet, de Beauvoir, Ginsberg, and Dylan. The last 10 weeks of Hum 5 has rattled me. There’s no doubt about it. I freaked. I thought about things differently and I was scared. And now, there was no way that these ideas could be “useless.” Paranoia strikes again.

I was angry. I tried to convince him that history was not useless. Guilder would return with some bs answer saying “history is important, but useless.” Really now…

I was so frustrated that I couldn’t convince him. It would seem that the significance of history is self-explanatory. Obvious. He was just so adamant about his opinion about it. I couldn’t sleep on this issue. I stayed up late thinking, pondering, trying to figure out a way to argue my way with guilder. I realize that a group of people who actively burned history books were the Nazis. I wondered what my professor would say if I asked him whether or not history was important or useful.

We gather trends from history. We learn from history. I couldn’t find way to argue and that scared me. I couldn’t successfully formulate an argument and I got humiliated by Guilder and his narrow-mindedness. Oh ignorance is bliss.

I was so upset. What is history? A written record of the past. Textbooks. Ideas. Engineering formulas. Articles. Basically anything that validates existence right? Guilder said that history is just a bunch of records that just sit there. Useless? It seems so. Useless if you don’t learn about it. Useless if you don’t care about it.

And this morning while I’m eating breakfast, he has the nerve to say, “So coppa, what’d you do last night? Read some history before going to bed?”

A revolution is in action and we’re all part of it. It’s a silent movement towards a world governed by images, governed by technology that’s advancing so rapidly I feel that we’ll soon be like the uncontrollable sorcery of Mickey Mouse in Fantasia. I hope my judgment will guide me through. I hope I’ll make the right decisions. Will everything be ok? I hope so. And therefore, I have everything…haha

Time started again in Sears today at 2:55. Exactly 3 days after it had stopped. It couldn’t have timed it better. Funny how things end up.

My brother had some crazy shit go down this weekend and I hope he’ll be ok. Essentially, he ran stop sign, was driving with a suspended license, had 0.04 BAC, and best of all gave the cop my information. So i guess i got a DUI last week.

I can’t focus and I can’t get myself to study. I’m more bothered about my brother and Guilder’s absurd disregard for history than my own finals.

I’ll ruminate on it some more. Just my thoughts. They are only fortune cookies.