mindless loopholes

I love SD and I love the beach. I can always count on the ocean. The waves will always come, and each wave is always different. The water is getting cooler and a wet suit is necessary now. Even so, there is nothing more serene than sitting on my board, floating to the rhythm of the ocean's melody, and watching the sun set, lowering the curtain for the day as the crashing waves applaud the never ending concert. The colors are amazing. When the sky is clear and cloudless, the red, yellow, orange, blue, purple, and others all blend together into a makeshift rainbow. The sunset creates silhouettes of all the other surfers. It's quite the view. Oh, water water everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Coleridge, you are a genius. What did you smoke?

This reminds me of this passage from a poem i read last month:

Life in action, life in repose, life in
Contemplation, which is hard to tell from daydreaming, on a day
When the sky woolgathers clouds and sets their semblance on a
Glassy ocean. Only its edge goes lisp. On no two days the same.
Is it the ocean's mindlessness that troubles?

I'm not even completely sure as to what these words mean, but I like reading them. Its saying that like sometimes one can feel like life, in action, repose, and contemplation is simply just a daydream that's never the same. Mindlessness. Does mindlessness entail being carefree? or could it be giving up or ignoring worries? Is it from indifference? Life in action, repose, and contemplation: a constant, never ending story.

I had a strange revelation in the toilet stall while i was taking a crap today: the direction of the toilet seat cover. I do not know which way it is supposed to go. Does the flap open to the back or front? I've always had the flap open in the front, but I realized today that it is better when the flap is to the back. That way poop does not rip the paper and stuff and just goes through the paper trap door.

I'm extremely sad about the patriots. As for the video taping, its just disappointing. Much like the situation with my parents, you cant ever know how far back the cheating went.

The cleaner I am, the happier I am.

We watched this movie called "spun" last night, about crack addicts and shit. So many parallels to my own life. I could see myself in such situations already, and in the future. I have to quit lying to myself first. i am already in different loops, spinning around in circles. A line allows progress, a circle does not. How ironic in that its the line that puts you in the circle. The movie however is very well made, and was very powerful. It scared me. When i (used to) get high a lot lot, i would also feel that separation between days were nonexistent. Everything was just one long, continuous day. Work, get high, sleep, wake up, get high, sleep, a cycle resulting in a numbness and depression leading to indifference towards everything.

When he called today to tell her to have a nice flight, she could tell that he was sad. how uncanny of her. He was surprised. She knows him so well its scary. He lied and told her he was fine.

Its been a complete year of blazing now. Its time to stop.
"And the thing is, I can quit whenever I want," he says to her as he sniffs some more magic pixie dust into his nose.

Its mindless isnt it. It makes you mindless towards everything you value and mindful towards obtaining whatever that makes you achieve that mindless state.

hahaha i guess its time i made a choice huh? time to find that loophole.

Anyways, as for this weekend, SC has better make a stand. LSU has been lookin pretty hot and at this point, it seems like a legit #1 team. AND Flynn will only get better as the season goes on. Granted Virginia tech has no reliable offense, their highly touted defense got rolled like crazy. The game was over after the first quarter. SC plays Nebraska, which is ranked very high. It wont be a walk in the park, but the Trojans better play a lot better than they did against Idaho. Perhaps the young running backs were just getting their feet wet and are really looking to mess things up for the huskers.

Meanwhile, across town, that other football team has been looking pretty good. They shouldn't have let BYU catch up last game, and it seems like their offense is on and off. I think its probably because they don't really have a standout dominant wide receiver...

The pac 10 is really making a statement though . Almost every team won last week, except for oregon state i think? but yea, fuk les miles for dissing the west coast schools. If the pac10 and the sec each made an all conference team and played each other, i really think that the pac10 would dominate. we have way more talent and excitement i think.

Pizza is good with canadian bacon, sausage, olives, and...ARTICHOKE HEARTS! youd be surprised.

I'm finally reading harry potter. It's good. There may be nothing that holds my attention span and interest for so long at one point. Oh, my fickle nature.

It's because at this point in our lives, we are extra influenced by everything. Or at least i am? I tend to agree with everything before i question it.
"so and so and so blah blah blah your moms a whore"
"Oh! Me too! Yo tam!"
Why is it though that at this point everything is so influential? And for that matter, I find it hard to find a consistent niche. I'm all over the place with a friend here and there but not really establishing a group other than my stoner clan. Every time you go back to see your friends from back home, its always like meeting someone new. You never know what to expect. Well what can you do right?

So this past weekend I biked from my home in sd, to solana beach trainstation, took the train back to irvine, and the rode my bike from there to my house in irvine. I was very proud of myself. Ridgeline hill was atrocious. ---BUT the ride back was even worse cause i had torrey pines hill to climb and that sucked. The thing is, if you stop while climbing a hill, youre fucked because that initial momentum makes things so much easier.

I've put my tequila crusade temporarily on hold. But i have a new bottle of tequila blanco (the stuff made from 100% agave, which is consequently the stuff that gets you most fucked up) and i will soon continue my far fetched, unreasonable and nearly impossible goal of becoming a successful ambassador of irresponsible tequila consumption.

Thats all for now. Thanks for reading, if there is anyone out there...and on that current thought, if notre dame and michigan play a game this weekend, does anyone care? and if a tree falls on a mime in the forest, does anyone care? Um, that probably made no sense.